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DemonMamoru
Kathryn
Favourite genre of music: Anything fast paced
Operating System: Mac
MP3 player of choice: Sony
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Hmph.

 

I hate people. I REALLY hate people.

 

Not ALL people. But most of them.

 

For months, I've wanted to say some of my frustrations, put what I feel, no more, no less, into words. The reason I've avoided saying this is because I didn't want to alienate anyone I loosely call 'friend.'

 

But now? Fuck it. I really just don't care anymore.

 

The firs thing that I really want to be known to anyone who reads this who knows me in real life, is that not a one of you are near as loyal as I am. Except perhaps one person, who probably won't read this post because she's hardly ever online.

 

 

If you're my friend, then I'll be loyal to you to the DEATH. I'm not kidding when I say that. I am. I would die for the people I care about. I wouldn't even bat an eyelid. I'm stupid like that.

 

And considering that fact, that makes me the most stupidest person around. I shouldn't have anywhere near that amount of loyalty to ANYONE. I'm stupid for it, and so what? Do any of you people who call me a friend care? No. You don't.

 

BECAUSE ALL OF YOU ARE TOO STUPID TO BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND SOMETHING LIKE LOYALTY.

 

I don't expect to be put on the top of anyone's 'best friend list' but I do expect to be equal to anyone on the top. I am not a second place kind of person. Either I'm on an equal level, or not at all.

 

Another irritation I've had is a 'friend' who is constantly whining about how he never has a girlfriend/significant other, and about how people ditch him for someone else. Well, here's an answer for you, because you can't figure it out. You've had the potential to have a lot of good, supportive, loyal friends. But you lose most of them. Why? Because you don't shut up and enjoy what you have. You could have the most loyal person in the world, and then  you would still be wanting. And what does that make you? A jerk. Because then you're pining after someone or something else.

 

You're an idiot. You could've had someone like me, who is goddamn loyal, who would ALWAYS be there for you. But then you started talking to your old ex, and then two weeks after we broke up, you had the nerve to start going out later. AND THEN TELL ME TO MY FACE THAT TALKING TO HER HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.

And then in martial arts, you're helping to train a friend, but you would always shrug me off whenever I asked for help outside of class and you always criticize me in class when I make a mistake, or you point out that there's a flaw in my technique, but you don't tell me how to improve? And the you brag about how good you are? And then complain that you don't have balance? You brag about how you're such a good fighter, but also state foolishly that you have no self control? As a higher rank, you are more compelled than anyone else in class to act with control, not without. The idea that you find it something to brag about it nothing short of laughable, and nothing less than foolhardy.

 

But that's not the only thing that's pissing me off.

 

No, takes quite a bit more to make me rant like this.

 

Another thing that's been pissing me off lately is that a former friend got kicked out of his house by his dad, and another family took him in when they didn't have to, and he's been acting like a selfish jerk when that family is suffering. He doesn't pay them anything from the money he's been earning, he doesn't buy food items to help make any meals, and he hasn't applied for food stamps to help out the family. The oldest sister has had to resort to having a mini-fridge in her room to hide food from him, and their freezer is now locked. All because he gets into things when he's not supposed to, or won't eat the leftovers that are left from that same day.

 

He's been acting as though he doesn't know it's happening, but what he really is, is a taker. And he's selfish like most males are who've never had to worry about money. Not that girls aren't the same, they are, but we're talking about a male in this case. He thinks he's entitled, and no one is. Not in the environment he is.

 

One more thing before I'm done ranting.

 

I've discovered something.

 

I hate, and I have that feeling strongly. The two emotions that I'm most familiar with is anger/hate, and loneliness. And I've realized something.

 

IT'S OK TO FEEL THAT.

 

IT'S OK TO HATE EVERYTHING AND WANT TO WATCH THE WORLD BURN.

 

It may not be ok to act on those desires, but it's OK to FEEL them, and feel them strongly. Since I don't allow myself to feel very many emotions, it's a significant piece of data for me to ponder.

 

Most of what I say here has been caused by a number of frustrations building up, but most of this is pretty accurate. And if you want to hate me for saying what's true, go ahead.

And yeah, there's flaws and faults with me and in my life too. But you know what? I have the power to admit them in ways most people don't. So don't even try and hit me with the flaws and things that are wrong with me. Go to hell.

(And really the only thing that started this shit was the fact that in martial arts instead of normal stuff, we worked on tai chi, and we doing an exercise that works by a constant push, instead of a strike, like a punch or kick. But when I was doing this with a new person she used a strike, and the sensei didn't call her out for it. Probably letting her get away with it because she's new. And their excuse would be that she doesn't understand, which is bullshit since she didn't do it with anyone else. And then the guy I talked about before excuses it because the technique 'worked' which is also bullshit. So next time we do the same thing, how about I punch you. Will that still be 'it's allowed, because it worked'? Something tells me he wouldn't fucking agree.)

 

All in all, it's been a pretty shitty day and I've gone through a lot of shit lately, and this was prompted because I need some way in existence to vent my feelings because I literally have no one who will listen to me, and probably no one will read this anyway. 
  • Mood: Disgust
  • Listening to: FOB: I Don't Care
  • Reading: nothing
  • Watching: nothing
  • Playing: nothing
  • Eating: nothing
  • Drinking: nothing

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:icononikage108:
how you been?
Reply
:icondemonmamoru:
Alright. Really busy, college has started up and I'm taking Medical Terminology, and it's a difficult class, but so far I'm doing good. I've also been starting to get into the Clone Wars series, so I'll probably be doing some art and stuff soon. It's a great show, and I really like it, I just haven't had the time to watch it in order. But i have to say my favorite character is probably Asoka. Is that how you spell her name? xD Anyway, I've been looking at your submissions, and my internet is really slow, so I haven't been commenting on anyone's stuff lately. I'm sorry! DX

and How are you doing? It's good to hear from you!
Reply
:icononikage108:
doing good.  also got college to deal with
Reply
:iconskyehaven:
SkyeHaven Dec 11, 2013  Student General Artist
hey Demon hows collage and all that jazz
Reply
:icondemonmamoru:
Getting ready for my last final, and then I'll be off for break for a while.
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:iconcathedrian:
Cathedrian Aug 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the fave..
Reply
:iconathenagodofwisdom:
athenagodofwisdom Aug 22, 2013   General Artist
Happy Birthday
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:icondemonmamoru:
thank you! sorry for the late reply. Dx
Reply
:iconathenagodofwisdom:
athenagodofwisdom Sep 20, 2013   General Artist
It's Ok but for a while I thought you had dropped off the face of the earth.
Reply
:icondemonmamoru:
Nooooo...I don't want to be dropped off the face of the earth! Dx That's probably a loooong drop.....
XD
How are you?
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